Listen With Headphones: An Email From A Slutty Co-Worker

Hello, I hope this email finds you well today. I'd like to bring your attention to something I find a bit concerning, but for privacy reasons I've recorded my concerns, and what I think might help resolve them... verbally. Please make sure you are wearing headphones, you wouldn't want any of our co-workers to hear. I'm watching you right now. I can't wait to watch as you listen. Just make sure you keep a straight face. Make sure you don't squirm too much. I don't think anyone else will be watching you as closely as I am- only I know what you are going to be listening to after all - but still. This is a professional workplace environment. And I don't want anyone else knowing what a slut I am for you.